And engineer died and when before St. Peter in heaven. St. Peter looked at his book and said "Oh, you belong with the devil."
After a few months in hell the engineer met with the devil and said, "You don't have anything here. I am an engineer and I can design buildings, air conditioning..all kinds of things."
The devil said, "OK... do it!"
When construction was complete the devil was very pleased. Then he gets a call from St. Peter who said, "Do you remember that engineer we sent you? We made a big mistake. He is supposed to be in heaven."
The devil replied with a loud and forceful voice, "YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM!"
St. Peter replied, "We will sue you!"
The devil started laughing. "What are you laughing about?" Where are you going to find a lawyer?"
A woman, a manager and his assistant are sitting together in a train. Suddenly, the train goes through a tunnel, and as luck would have it, the lights go out and it's completely dark.
Then there's this kissing noise and the sound of a loud slap. When the train comes out of the tunnel, the woman and the assistant are sitting as if nothing has happened and the manager has his hand against his face, which is red from an apparent slap.
The manager is thinking, "My assistant must have kissed the woman and she missed him and slapped me instead."
The woman is thinking, "The manager must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed his assistant and got slapped for it."
And the assistant is thinking, "This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel, I'll make another kissing noise and slap my boss again!"
Actual signs that have appeared at various locations.
* A speed limit sign: "Smile, You're on Radar!"
* Seen in a State Park: (A large sign with a rock hanging on a rope) "Weather Station: Check the rock. If it's wet, it's raining. If it's moving, it's windy. If you can't see it, it's foggy. If rock is gone, it's a tornado."
* Notice in a field: "The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges."
* Sign seen in a small restaurant: "Thanks for visiting. If you liked the food, send your friends. Otherwise, send your mother-in-law."
One day, an Eskimo family arrived in New York City. This was the first time out of their native village, and it didn't take long before the wife got lost. The husband asked a passerby for help and was told to go to the police and report it.
When he got there, a police officer asked him for the wife's description. "What's that?" asked the husband. "Well, you see a description is telling what something looks like. For example, my wife is 25-years-old, 5'11", 140 lbs, 38-25-36 measurements. Now, what can you tell me about your wife?"
"The heck with her, lets go look for yours!"