A wannabe singer was auditioning for a part in a musical, in which she had to sing a song. She gave it her best shot and when she was done, asked the producer if she hit all the right notes.
"You certainly did," the producer replied. "You packaged them quite conveniently around all the wrong ones."
I was working as a short-order cook at two restaurants in the same neighborhood. On a Saturday night, I was finishing up the dinner shift at one restaurant and hurrying to report to work at the second place, but I was delayed because one table kept sending back an order of hash browns, insisting they were cold. I replaced them several times, but still the customers were dissatisfied.
When I was able to leave, I raced out the door and arrived at my second job. A server immediately handed me my first order.
"Make sure these hash browns are hot," she said, "because these people just left a restaurant down the street that kept serving them cold ones."
An armed robber broke into a house and found a couple sitting at their dining room table. Pointing the gun, he said, "Let me know the names of my victims before I kill them".
Wife: My name is Eunice
Robber: Oh. My mother's name is Eunice. I can't kill you. (Pointing the guy to the man) And you ?
Husband: I'm Joseph, but all my friends call me Eunice.