A traffic cop stopped a woman for a minor traffic violation. After examining her driver's license in silence for a moment, he said, "You know something? This is one of the finest, most realistic pictures I've ever seen. I'm glad to see you aren't one of those vain women who have their photos retouched to remove all the lines in their face."
"Sir," she replied icily, "you are looking at my thumb-print."
Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers.
The first boy says, "My Dad writes a few words, he calls it a poem, they give him $100."
The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad writes a few words, he calls it a song, they give him $200."
The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad writes a few words, he calls it a sermon. And it takes eight people to collect all the money!"
Joe and Mark, two small-town merchants were visiting New York City for the first time to attend a conference. There was a large party thrown, with lots of food and refreshments. At the end of the party, they both went outside.
Joe crossed the street, while Mark wandered into a subway entrance. When Joe came back, he noticed Mark emerging from the subway stairs.
"Where did you go?" Joe asked enthusiastically.
"I don't know," gushed Mark, "but you should see the train set that guy has in his basement!"