My wife asked me to remind her to get ice cream for a pie we had on the way home.
I immediately bellowed, "REMEMBERRRRRR THEEE AALLAMOOODE!!!"
Robin: “The Batmobile isn’t starting!”
Batman: “Did you charge the battery?”
Robin: “What the hell is a tery?”
I stayed an a little country cottage during my spring vacation; my landlady kept animals.
On the first day, one of her chickens died, so we had roast chicken for dinner.
On the second day, one of her pigs died, so we had honey baked ham for dinner.
On the third day, one of her sheep died, so we had lamb chops for dinner.
On the fourth day, her husband died, so I left before dinner.
Two guys walking on the beach found an old brass lamp. The first guy immediately started rubbing it and, sure enough, a Genie popped out! Before he could say anything at all, the Genie turned him into a crab.
The other guy was horrified and shouted, "Oh my gosh! Why did you do that?"
The Genie said, "Aww, he just rubbed me the wrong way."