Latest Jokes

I was having dinner with a chess player that had just received notification that she has received the prestigious chess designation of "Master".

Due to the checkered tablecloth, It took her two hours to pass me the ketchup.

A cowboy is drinking at a saloon in the old west when suddenly, a man bursts through the swinging doors and yells, "Joe, Joe, your house is on fire! Hurry! Hurry!"

Upon hearing this, the cowboy rushes out the door, gets on his horse and begins riding away, before saying, "Hey, wait a minute, I ain't got no house!"

The cowboy then returns to the saloon; a few moments later, a man bursts through the swinging doors and yells, "Joe, Joe, your family has been captured by bandits! Hurry! Hurry!"

Upon hearing this, the cowboy rushes out the door, gets on his horse and begins riding away, before saying, "Hey, wait a minute, I ain't got no family!"

The cowboy returns to the saloon again; a few moments later, a man bursts through the swinging doors and yells, "Joe, Joe, you've just won a million dollars! It's waiting at the post office for you!"

Upon hearing this, the cowboy rushes out the door, gets on his horse and begins riding away, before saying, "Hey, wait a minute, my name ain't Joe!"

As a teenager I had a summer job pumping gas. One week an older guy drove up and said he wanted a fill-up. Then he got out of the car with an umbrella, opened it, and followed me around as I worked, holding the umbrella over my head to keep the sun off me. I awkwardly thanked him as he paid his tab and drove away.

A week later, he came back for a fill up. Again, he got out of the car with the umbrella and opened it, but this time he just stood there watching me work. I asked, “So you’re not gonna use that to keep the sun off me this time?” and he retorted, “Watch it, young man. Fuel me once, shade on you. Fuel me twice, shade on me!”