I asked my date to meet me at the gym today.
She didn't show up.
That's when I knew we weren't gonna work out.
Husband: "Happy Anniversary, Honey! I got you a DVD player."
Wife: "Oh, thank you, dear, but how were you able to afford it?"
Husband: "I sold our TV."
What would you call a bad-tempered gorilla with cotton wool in his ears?
Anything you want, he can't hear you.
I was having dinner with a chess player that had just received notification that she has received the prestigious chess designation of "Master".
Due to the checkered tablecloth, It took her two hours to pass me the ketchup.