Latest Jokes

The other day i was in the pub when the waitress approaches me to take my order,
I noticed she had two black eyes

she asks 'what would you like to order?'

I replied with what i wanted to eat, making sure to speak very clearly and loudly because it was obvious she wasn't a great listener!

A Son who was schooling far away from home once sent a sms to his father. “Father, the situation here is critical. Please, send me some money, suicide contemplated”.
The Father replied, Son, the situation at home is more critical. Suicide approved.

Whats the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?

You can unscrew a lightbulb!

3 young men met one pretty lady after church service. The men decided to introduce themselves. The first man says, I am Joseph but not the dreamer, the second man says I am John but not the Baptist and the last man says I am Abraham but not the father of nations. The pretty lady said hello to her new friends and introduced herself as Mary but not a virgin.