Latest Jokes

$5.00 won 4 votes

"Mr. Jones," began the timid looking young man, "May I... um... can I... what I mean is, will you...."

"Why yes my boy, you have my blessing," smiled the girl's father.

The young man gasped. "What's that? I have your what?" he asked.

"My blessing to marry my daughter of course," replied Jones. "That's what you mean isn't it, you want to marry her don't you?"

"Why no," said the young man. "I just wanted to know if you could lend me $50.00?"

"Certainly not!" said Jones, sharply. "Why I hardly know you!"

4 votes

CATEGORY Money Jokes
Joke Won 10th Place won $5.00
posted by "Arthur Art Will Williams" |
$25.00 won 8 votes

My landlord texted me saying we need to meet up and talk about how high my heating bill is.

I replied back: “Sure, my door is always open.”

8 votes

CATEGORY Puns
Joke Won 2nd Place won $25.00
posted by "Gegg Smith" |
1 votes

What did the jealous storm trooper say to the friend who stole his girlfriend and was now going to marry her?

"May divorce be with you!"

1 votes

posted by "Ferdinand Uzi Wang" |
0 votes

The divorce proceedings had been long, contentious and extremely heated. Finally, the husband's attorney rose for one last try at a no-alimony divorce.

"Your Honor," he said, "my client sincerely believes his wife is just being ridiculous. Why, most women would love to have a husband who still believes in chivalry, and on the day in question, he was only opening the door for her out of chivalry."

"Counselor," replied the judge, "I am granting the divorce and the settlement Mrs. Smith is asking in its entirely. I simply cannot believe chivalry was the motivation for your client opening that car door - while he was driving down the freeway at 65 mph."

0 votes

CATEGORY Marriage Jokes
posted by "Merkv814" |