Best Jokes

The Lord loves a cheerful giver...

But he accepts from grouches too.

A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack. "Help me dear," she groans to her husband.

The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter, and lines up his putt. His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him. "I'm dying over here and you're putting?"

"Don't worry dear," says the husband calmly, "they found a doctor on the second hole and he's coming to help you."

"Well, how long will it take for him to get here?" she asks feebly.

"No time at all," says her husband. "Everybody's already agreed to let him play through."

Store owner: "Thank you for your patronage. I wish I had twenty customers like you."

Customer: "Gosh, it's nice to hear that, but I'm kind of surprised. You know that I argue every bill and always pay late."

Store owner: "I'd still like twenty customers like you. The problem is, I have two hundred customers like you."

"What does your mother do for a headache?"

"She sends me out to play."