Best Jokes

A young man was in love with two women and could not decide which of them to marry. Finally he went to a marriage counselor.

When asked to describe his two loves, he noted that one was a great poet and the other made delicious pancakes.

"Oh," said the counselor, "I see what the problem is. You can't decide whether to marry for batter or verse?"

A six-year-old said grace at family dinner one evening. "Dear God, thank You for the pancakes."

When she concluded, her mother asked her why she thanked God for pancakes when they were having chicken-pot-pie.

She smiled and said, "I thought I would check to see if He was paying attention."

Kenny, a city boy, moved to the country and purchased a car from a farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the car the following day. The next morning, the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, son, but I have some bad news. The car broke down."

"OK, well, just return my money to me," Kenny said.

"Sorry, can't do that," said the farmer. "I already spent it."

"OK then, just unload the car," said Kenny.

"Whatcha gonna do with it?" asked the farmer.

"I'm going to raffle it off," Kenny replied.

"You can't raffle off a broken-down car!" the farmer exclaimed.

"Of course I can," replied Kenny. "Watch me. I just won't tell anybody it doesn't work."

A few weeks later, the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "So, what happened with the car?"

"I raffled it off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.00," explained Kenny.

"Didn't anyone complain?" inquired the farmer.

Kenny proudly replied, "Just the guy who won. So, I gave him his two dollars back."

- Fell out of the family tree.

- Forgot to pay his brain bill.

- Goes surfing in Nebraska.

- Golf bag doesn't have a full set of irons.

- Got into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn't watching.

- He fell out of the Stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.