Best Jokes

My New Years resolution is to start reading more...

So I enabled the subtitles on my TV.

What do you call a dog that won’t come when you call it, refuses to sleep in it’s bed, and seldom wants to play?

A cat.

A hypochondriac told his doctor he was certain he had a fatal disease.

“Nonsense,” scolded the doctor. “You wouldn’t know if you had that. With that particular disease there’s no discomfort of any kind.”

“Oh no!” gasped the patient. “Those are my symptoms exactly.”