A Yankee tourist in London went aboard the old battleship "Victory", which was Lord Nelson's flagship in several of his famous navel triumphs.
An English sailor escorted the Yank over the vessel, and coming to a raised brass tablet on the deck, he said, as he reverently removed his hat, "This, sir, is the spot where Lord Nelson fell."
"Oh, it is," replied the American. "Well, that ain't nothing. I nearly tripped on that darn thing myself."
Lou: Did you hear about the turtle on the New Jersey Turnpike?
Bud: What was the turtle doing on the turnpike?
Lou: About one mile an hour.
”Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!”
”Keep it down, sir, or everyone will want one.”
The congregation of a small stone church decided that the stone which formed the step up to the front door had become too worn by its years of use, and would have to be replaced.
Unfortunately, there were hardly any funds available for the replacement. Then someone came up with the bright idea that the replacement could be postponed for many years by simply turning the block of stone over.
They discovered that their great-grandparents had beaten them to it.