Doctor Bloomfield, who was known for extraordinary treatment of arthritis, had a waiting room full of people when a little old lady, almost bent over in half, shuffled in slowly, leaning on her cane.
When her turn came, she went into the doctor's office and, amazingly, emerged within 5 minutes walking completely erect with her head held high.
A woman in the waiting room who had seen all this rushed up to the little old lady and said, "It's a miracle! You walked in bent in half and now you're walking erect. What did that doctor do?"
"Gave me a longer cane."
The old definition of a split second is the time between the light turning green and when the driver behind you honks their horn.
The new definition of a split second is the time between when the commercial starts and your spouse says, "You have the remote!"
A man goes to a doctor and says, “Doctor, I have a very serious problem. I only hear half of everything.”
"That can’t be," answers the doctor. “Either you can hear everything or you hear nothing. Tell you what, Let us see. Repeat after me... Ninety Six.”
The man quickly replies, “Forty eight!”