Best Jokes

"Are you single?"

"No, I'm plural."

"I mean are you free this Saturday?"

"No, I'm rather expensive."

After a young couple brought their new baby home, the wife suggested that her husband should try his hand at changing diapers.

"I'm busy," he said, "I'll do the next one."

The next time came around and she asked again. The husband looked puzzled. "Oh! I didn't mean the next diaper. I meant the next baby."

A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game. The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said, "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green."

The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole. "Now what?" the fellow asked the speechless pro.

"Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup," the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again.

"Oh great! NOW you tell me!" said the beginner.

Glenn and Scott are bungee jumping one day when Glenn has a brainstorm, "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee jumping service in Mexico."

Scott agrees that it would be a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they'll need - a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc. They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the main square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work. When everything is ready Glenn gives it a test jump.

When he bounces at the end of the cord and comes back up, Scott notices that Glenn has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, the Scott isn't able catch him, so Glenn falls again, bounces, and then comes back up. This time, Glenn is bruised and bleeding. Again, Scott misses him. Glenn goes down again and this time, he comes back pretty messed up, he's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.

On the next attempt, Scott finally catches him and pulls him in. "What happened?" he asks. "Was the cord too long?"

Glenn catches his breath and replies, "No, the cord was fine, but tell me... what the heck is a piñata?"