Best Jokes

A Roman walks up to a bar, holds up two fingers and says, "Five beers please."

I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache, and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.

A police officer pulls over a car in the middle of the night:

"Sir, do you realize how badly your car was swerving between lanes?"

"I've had 8 drinks, officer."

"That's still no excuse to let your wife drive."

A priest and a cab driver went to heaven.

The priest was given fifty bags of gold and a nice house.

The cab driver was given the same but also a boat, a lake and a box of diamonds.

The priest asked St. Peter, "Hey I was a priest, how come I don't get a box of diamonds or a lake or a boat?"

St. Peter said, "We go by results. During your sermons people slept, during his cab rides people prayed."