Best Jokes

I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache, and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.

A police officer pulls over a car in the middle of the night:

"Sir, do you realize how badly your car was swerving between lanes?"

"I've had 8 drinks, officer."

"That's still no excuse to let your wife drive."

A priest and a cab driver went to heaven.

The priest was given fifty bags of gold and a nice house.

The cab driver was given the same but also a boat, a lake and a box of diamonds.

The priest asked St. Peter, "Hey I was a priest, how come I don't get a box of diamonds or a lake or a boat?"

St. Peter said, "We go by results. During your sermons people slept, during his cab rides people prayed."

An artist, a lawyer, and a computer scientist are discussing the merits of a mistress.

An artist tells of the passion, the thrill which comes with the risk of being discovered.

A lawyer warns of the difficulties. It can lead to guilt, divorce, bankruptcy. Not worth it. Too many problems.

A computer scientist says; "It's the best thing that's ever happened to me. My wife thinks I'm with my mistress. My mistress thinks I'm home with my wife, and I can spend all night on the computer!"