Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her math classes:
"A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?"
After a very long silence in the classroom, little Morris raised his hand. The teacher called on Morris for his answer. With complete sincerity in his voice, little Morris answered, "A good lawyer."
A man and his wife cracked open their fortune cookies.
Hers read, “Be quiet for a little while.”
His read, “Speak while you have a chance."
"I see you were last employed by a psychiatrist," said the employer to the applicant. "Why did you leave?"
"Well," she replied, "I just couldn't win...
If I was late to work, I was hostile.
If I was early, I had an anxiety complex.
If I was on time, I was compulsive."
Mr. Jones: My new loaded SUV isn’t worth a hill of beans.
Mr. Smith: What are you talking about?
Mr. Jones: Food prices.