Priest: Do you have any confessions?
Man: I did something Father, but I am not sure if it was a sin.
Priest: Did you enjoy it?
Man: Yes father
Priest: It was a sin.
Planning a Christmas weekend of entertaining guests, I made a list of things I needed to do, including taking food out of the freezer and grocery shopping. As it happened, a friend whom I had been promising to take to lunch asked if we could go for lunch that Friday.
So, hopping into the car, I taped my "to do" list to the dashboard and went to pick her up. As she settled into the car, her face dropped.
"Thanks a lot!" she sulked.
Then I glanced at my list and saw the first item: "Take out the turkey."
A lady with a large flowery hat was stopped at the church door by the usher.
"Are you a friend of the bride?" he asked.
"Certainly not," she snapped, "I'm the groom's mother."
A lady on a commuter train is reading a newspaper article about life and death statistics. Fascinated, she turns to the man next to her and asks, “Did you know that every time I breathe somebody dies?”
“Really?” he says. “Have you tried a good mouthwash?”