Best Jokes

A robber breaks into a house and ties up the woman and man.

The robber asks where the jewels are and the guy responds with: "I'll give you everything! Please, let her go..."

Robber: "I only care about the jewels! I won't hurt you if you give me what I want..."

Guy: "I BEG you, let her go!"

Robber: "Wow, you must really love your wife..."

Guy: "What? Oh no, my wife is about to get home!"

Grandpa John was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared. "Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success," he cackled. "I have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now."

The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to keep up his rigorous fitness regime.

"Well, you see my wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk."

Buy your thermometers in the wintertime...

They're much lower then.