Best Jokes

One day at a local clinic, the doctor is outraged to see that he has no patients to examine. So he called his assistant to ask what happened.

His assistant replied, "I asked the patients if they are feeling okay, and they said 'no', so I told them to go home and get plenty of rest!"

After a worship service, a mother with a fidgety seven-year-old boy told me how she finally got her son to sit still and be quiet.

About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and whispered, "If you don't be quiet, the Pastor is going to lose his place and will have to start his sermon all over again."

It worked.

What did the guy say after he fell in a box of seaweed?

"Kelp Me! Kelp Me!"

Little Johnny's teacher asks, "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Do you know why his father didn't punish him?"

Little Johnny replies, "Because George was the one holding the axe?"