7/11 isn't giving out free slurpees this year!
Instead of offering free slurpees, they will be offering discounted gas at a price of $7.11 a gallon.
Teacher: Eleanor Roosevelt said, "Intelligent people talk about ideas. Regular people talk about current events and lower than average people talk about people."
Little Johnny: No matter what history would have us believe, I respect a teacher that tells it like it is. I had no idea Eleanor Roosevelt was a below average person.
Teacher: What do you mean?
Little Johnny: She was talking about people, right?
A robber breaks into a house and ties up the woman and man.
The robber asks where the jewels are and the guy responds with: "I'll give you everything! Please, let her go..."
Robber: "I only care about the jewels! I won't hurt you if you give me what I want..."
Guy: "I BEG you, let her go!"
Robber: "Wow, you must really love your wife..."
Guy: "What? Oh no, my wife is about to get home!"
What is a committee?
A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.