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Favorite this joke One morning, while shaving, a fellow started cursing and swearing so loudly it attracted the attention of his wife, who was preparing breakfast in the kitchen.
"What's the matter?" she called out.
"My razor -- it won't cut!" he answered.
"Don't be silly, dear!" she declared. "You mean to tell me your beard is tougher than linoleum?"
A mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big airplanes have baby airplanes?"
The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess. So the boy went down the aisle and asked the stewardess. The stewardess, who was very busy at the time, smiled and said, "Did your Mom tell you to ask me?"
The boy said, "Yes she did."
"Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your Mom explain that to you."
My high school English teacher was well known for being a fair, but hard, grader. One day I received a B minus on a theme paper. In hopes of bettering my grade and in the spirit of the valentine season, I sent her an extravagant heart shaped box of chocolates with the pre-printed inscription, “BE MINE.”
The following day, I received a return valentine from the teacher. It read, “Thank you, but it’s still a BE MINE-US.”
The other day I was at the Barber Shop when a guy stuck his head into the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours." The guy left.
A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours." The guy left.
A week later the same guy stuck his head into the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour only."
The guy left. The barber turned to me and said, "Hey, Phil, do me a favor. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back."
A little while later, I returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.
The barber asked, "So where does that guy go when he leaves?"
I looked up, tears in my eyes from the laughter and said, "To your house!"
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