Jolene had wanted new kitchen cabinets for a long time, but her husband insisted they were an extravagance.She went to visit her mother for two weeks, and when she returned, she was overjoyed to find that beautiful new cabinets had been installed in her kitchen.
A few days later, a neighbor came over to visit and after admiring the new cabinets, the neighbor added, "We were all so glad that the fire was confined to the kitchen."
Two dogs were walking down the street. The one dog says to the other, "Wait here a minute, I'll be right back."
He walks across the street and sniffs this fire hydrant for a while, then walks back across the street.
The other dog asks, "What was that about?"
The first dog replies, "Just checking my messages."
The first-time flier was very nervous as he buckled his seat belt before takeoff. He turned to the woman in the next seat and asked, "About how often do jetliners like this crash?"
She thought a moment and replied, "Usually, just once."
A man finds a lamp. He rubs it and a Genie emerges. The Genie tells him he will be granted three wishes. The man thinks for a moment and says, "First, give me a bottomless mug of beer."
A mug of beer appears in his hand. He sips it once, then again and the mug is magically refilled. The man is thrilled and continues to drink. The mug never empties.
Then the Genie says, "And what about your other two wishes?"
The guy thinks for a moment and says, "Give me two more just like this one!"