Best Jokes

I'm not a tech junkie but I was a little skeptical when the salesman told me this would be the last GPS I ever needed. I am only 65 and I know technology changes and new and better ones come out every year.

I began to feel extremely uncomfortable and thought maybe he was right when I went to visit my wife at the cemetery and the GPS blurted out: "You have reached your final destination."

A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an older lady and an older gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world. The agent had had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a feeling of generosity.

He called them into his shop and said, "I have a surprise for you. I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer."

He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel. They, as can be expected, gladly accepted, and were on their way. About a month later the little lady came in to his shop. "And how did you like your holiday?" he asked eagerly.

"The flight was exciting and the room was lovely," she said. "I've come to thank you. But, one thing puzzled me. Who was that old guy I had to share the room with?"

One Sunday morning when my son was about five years old, we were attending church in our community. It was common for the preacher to invite the children to the front of the church and have a small lesson before beginning the sermon. He would bring in an item they could find around the house and relate it to a teaching from the Bible.

This particular morning, the visual aid for his lesson was a smoke detector. He asked the children if anyone knew what it meant when an alarm sounded from the smoke detector.

My child immediately raised his hand and said, "It means Daddy's cooking dinner."

Judge to the thief: “Since there is no witness to your stealing, I am releasing you. Otherwise you would have got at least 6 months.”

Thief: "Your honor, kindly punish me for at least a week in jail. I have to collect money from a few inmates who borrowed money from me last time."