Best Jokes

A woman calls her mother.

"My husband and I have been fighting so much lately. I am going to come live with you again."

Her mother replies, "No dear, he should pay for his mistakes. I am coming to live with you."

A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror taking a hard look at herself.

"You know, love" she says, "I look in the mirror and I see an old woman. My face is wrinkled, and my body isn't what it used to be." She turns to her husband and says, "Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself."

He thinks about it for a bit and then says in a soft voice, "Well... your eyesight seems to be good."

Two students were arguing when their teacher entered the classroom. The teacher says, “Why are you arguing?”

One boy answers, “We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.”

"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher. "When I was your age I didn’t even know what a lie was."

The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

Last week our police station was broken into and the commode was stolen from the rest room.

Yesterday the police reported that the investigation is ongoing but they still have nothing to go on.