Best Jokes

A forester often has to consult property owners to determine boundary lines. Walking up a dirt road to question one such individual, a forester encountered signs that read: "No Trespassing", "Beware of Dog", and "Keep Out... This Means You!"

Finally arriving at the door, he talked with the congenial, cooperative landowner.

When my husband was ready to leave, the man said to him, "Come and see me again sometime. I don't get many visitors up this way."

A man learned shortly before quitting time that he had to attend a meeting. He tried unsuccessfully to locate his car-pool members to let them know that he would not be leaving with them. Hastily he scribbled a message to one of the fellows and left it on his desk.

"I have a last-minute meeting. Leave without me. Dave."

At 7:00 pm, the man stopped at his desk and found this note: "Meet us at the bar and grill across the street. You drove!

A man was sitting at the bar looking dejectedly into his bottle of beer.

“You look pretty down,” said the guy on the next stool. “Wanna talk about it?”

“I dunno,” sighed the first man. “It’s just that this time last year I had a fantastic job. I was making big money.”

“So?”

“Well, that was the problem. People started noticing the bills were five millimeters too big!”

There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself through veterinary school working nights as a taxidermist.

Upon graduation, he decided he could combine his two vocations to better serve the needs of his patients and their owners, while doubling his practice and, therefore, his income.

He opened his own offices with a sign on the door saying:

"Dr Jones, Veterinary Medicine and Taxidermy - Either way, you get your dog back."