My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.
I went to the library the other day and found a book titled "How to Hug".
Wanting to learn the secrets of intimacy I quickly grabbed the book and headed to the checkout counter.
The librarian was polite but said I couldn't check out the book because it was the seventh volume of Encyclopedia Britannica.
When I was eight my Dad was taking me to see a movie. On the way there I asked him if he would buy me some gum. He said, "No, you don't need any."
After arriving at the theater and taking ours seats, Dad changed his mind. He told me it would be okay for me to have some gum and he was going to get it.
I spoke up and said, "You don't need to buy me gum anymore, Daddy. I found some under the seat."
Sign on a maternity room door...
"Push, Push, Push!"