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Favorite this joke Teacher decides to teach the class logic. She asks the class if there were three birds on a telegraph wire and the farmer fired his gun at them, how many birds would be left?
Little Jane said two miss, that's good.
Little Mary said three because he missed, that's good.
Now Little Johnny at the back of the class said there were none miss because the noise of the gun would frighten them away.
That's very good Johnie said the teacher, I like the way you are thinking.
Little Johnny said to the teacher, can I ask you a question miss? Yes of course you can, the teacher replied.
If there were three ladies walking along the beach and each one had an ice cream. One was licking it, one was biting it and one was sucking it, which one was married?
Well said the teacher, I suppose it was the one that was sucking it.
Wrong miss, it was the one with the wedding ring but I like the way you were thinking.
GOLF, n.
[1] a game that consists of a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.
[2] a game of opposites - the world's slowest people are ahead of you, and the fastest are behind.
[3] a colorful sport that keeps you on the green, in the pink, and financially in the red.
[4] a game which is allowed to be played on Sunday (under blue laws) because it was not considered a game by the law, but a form of moral effort.
[5] a game a lot like taxation - you drive hard to get to the green, and then you find yourself in a hole.
GOLF CART, n.
[1] A popular mode of transportation because, unlike a caddie, it can neither count, criticize, nor snicker.
GOLFER, n.
[1] a person who yells "fore," takes six, and puts down five;
[2] a guy who has the advantage over a fisherman - he doesn't have to bring home anything when he brags he had a great day.
At the end of the college year, a star football player celebrated by attending a late night campus party. Soon after arriving, he became captivated by a beautiful coed and eased into a conversation with her by asking if she met many any "potential dates" at the party.
"Oh, I'm much more attracted to the strong academic types than to the party animals," she said. "What's your G.P.A.?"
Grinning from ear to ear, the jock boasted, "I get about 25 in the city and 40 on the highway."
Back in the day of open cockpits and stunt planes, an elderly couple went every year to the State Fair. Poppa always wanted to fly in the stunt plane, but mamma would always tell him no. "Ten dollars is ten dollars, we don't have that kind of money to waste," she would always say.
Each year was the same. One year, the stunt pilot heard poppa ask mamma if they could go up because they weren't getting any younger. The pilot told them he would not charge them the ten dollars if he took them up and he did not hear a word from either of them. Mamma agreed to the arrangement.
The pilot did not spare the spins and rolls. When he landed, he turned to poppa to tell him how proud he was of them, because they didn't open their mouths. He was shocked to find mamma was not in the plane. "Where's mamma?" he asked emphatically.
"Oh, she fell out."
"Why didn't you say anything?"
"Because, ten dollars is ten dollars."
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