Tax collector: "It is your duty as a citizen to pay taxes, and we expect you to pay them with a smile."
Taxpayer (grinning widely): "Wonderful! I thought you expected me to pay them with cash!"
Just so everybody's clear...
I’m going to put my glasses on!
A nearsighted minister glanced at the note that Mrs. Jones had sent to him by an usher. The note read: "Bill Jones having gone to sea, his wife desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety."
Failing to observe the punctuation, he startled his audience by announcing: "Bill Jones, having gone to see his wife, desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety."
Our catering manager lacks certain social skills...like knowing when to keep her mouth shut. While discussing a baby christening party with a young couple, she told the mother, "You look like you've lost most of your pregnancy weight."
"Thanks," came the clenched-teeth reply. "We adopted."