One evening I was walking through a rather seedy section of town, when a bum walked up to me and asked me for two dollars.
First I asked him, "Will you buy booze?"
The bum replied, "No."
Then I asked, "Will you gamble it away?"
The bum said, "No."
After giving the bum the two dollars that he had asked for, I asked the bum, "Now, will you come home with me, so that my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?"
Husband text his wife and types, "Whale you be my valentine?"
Wife replied: " Dolphinately!"
Three religious leaders walk into a bar. A Pastor, a Rabbi and a Baptist minister.
The bartender looks up and says, "What is this, some kind of a joke???"
England's West Country is known for its charming cottage-like shops. While visiting the area, my friend peered in through one window to see shelf upon shelf of interesting looking books. So, she went inside.
A woman appeared through a beaded curtain and asked, "Can I help you?"
"No, just browsing," said my friend.
"Fine," came the reply. "But, just so you know, around here, most people knock before entering someone's home."