My sister landed a good job with an accounting firm, and after a while she got a generous raise. The day she found out about it, her husband picked her up from work, and they stopped for ice cream. As they continued home, my sister blurted out, "Isn't it hard to believe that I have a job that pays this much money?"
Just then, she went to toss the last of her ice cream cone out the window. However, the window was closed, and it smacked against the glass.
Her husband replied calmly, "Yes, yes it is."
I love you more than yesterday...
Yesterday you just got on my nerves!
Doctor Bloomfield, who was known for extraordinary treatment of arthritis, had a waiting room full of people when a little old lady, almost bent over in half, shuffled in slowly, leaning on her cane.
When her turn came, she went into the doctor's office and, amazingly, emerged within 5 minutes walking completely erect with her head held high.
A woman in the waiting room who had seen all this rushed up to the little old lady and said, "It's a miracle! You walked in bent in half and now you're walking erect. What did that doctor do?"
"Gave me a longer cane."
"My computer suddenly started belting out 'Someone Like You.'"
"Because it's A-Dell."