The other day I was in a hurry to go outside...
In my haste I ran into the screen door and strained myself!
I reluctantly went shopping with my wife so she could buy a new dress. She tried on several but they didn't fit.
As she came out of the fitting room totally frustrated she remarked, "Nothing my size fits me anymore."
Store keeper: Good morning Sir! How may I help you?
Customer: Why is this water bottle cost so much? It's $20 per liter!
Store Keeper: Sir, this is pure water from an ancient glacier of the Alps. That's why it is very costly.
Customer: Pure water from the Alps, huh? Then why is the date of expiration September 2017?
Bill: Where did you get that gold watch Joe?
Joe: I won it in a race.
Bill: How many people participated in it?
Joe: Three, a policeman, the owner of the watch, and me!