I was offered a gig at the London Crematorium...
I turned it down as I worried it would be dead audience.
I just love it when you are at a play or movie theater and they make the announcement, "Please silence your cell phones..."
Why do they have to announce that?
I mean how many people are carrying around a landline phone?
John: "Do you know why the Bride and many other women cry at weddings?"
Fred: "No, why?"
John: "It's because the Bride isn't marrying the best man."