Best Jokes

A fine-looking gentleman sat down in the main dining room of an expensive restaurant. He ordered a big dinner and spent an hour enjoying himself.

After he was given the check, he summoned the headwaiter. "Ah, my friend," he said, "that was a delicious meal! Perhaps you don't remember that I was a guest at this same table just about a year ago. And at that time I couldn't pay the check, so you, sir had me thrown out in full view of all the other diners."

"I am so sorry, sir," said the head waiter, "but, you understand-"

"Oh it's quite all right," interrupted the gentleman, "but I'm afraid I'll have to trouble you again."

"So, what's the matter? I thought you just got back from a nice relaxing fishing trip with your husband."

"Oh, everything went wrong! First, he said I talked so loud I would scare the fish. Then he said I was using the wrong bait. And then he said that I was reeling in too soon."

"That doesn't sound nice or relaxing."

"All that might have been all right, but to make matters worse, I ended up catching the most fish."

“Oh no, not leftovers again!” complained my older sister when she saw the leftover meatloaf on the table from last night's supper.

“Young lady,” responded my father sternly, “do you know how many people would love to have a delicious supper like this? You should be ashamed of yourself. Now before we start eating I want to hear you say grace thanking the Lord for this delicious meal.”

“Thank you Lord for this delicious supper,” muttered my sister submissively, “….again!”

A preacher, newly called to a small country town, needed to mail a letter. Passing a young boy on the street, the pastor asked where he could find the post office.

After getting his answer, the minister thanked the boy and said, “If you’ll come to the community church this evening, you can hear me tell everyone how to get to heaven.”

“I don’t know, sir,” the boy replied. “You don’t even know how to get to the post office.”