Best Jokes

Cassie was a really good mom. When her children were growing up, her one son gave her more "stop and count to 10" moments than any of the others.

Once, after her small son fell into the pond and came home with his good school clothes dripping wet, the exasperated Cassie sent him to his room while she washed and dried his clothes.

A little later, Cassie heard a commotion in the back yard. She called out, "Are you out there wetting your pants again?!?!"

There was dead silence for a moment. Then a deep, masculine voice answered meekly, "No, ma'am, I'm just reading the meter."

A lawyer meets with the family of a recently deceased millionaire for the reading of the will.

"To my loving wife, Rose, who always stood by me, I leave the house and $2 million," the attorney reads.

"To my darling daughter, Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave the yacht, the business and $1 million."

"And finally," the lawyer concludes, "to my cousin Dan, who hated me, argued with me and thought I would never mention him in my will. Well, you were wrong. Hi Dan!"

We had built our dream house some years ago, and furnished it with quality pieces as we could afford them. Now the delivery truck carrying the last purchase, a new bedroom suite, was pulling into the driveway.

"Finally!" I exclaimed, flinging open the front door as the driver walked up to the house. "I've been waiting twelve years for this!"

"Don't blame me, lady," he said. "I just got the order this morning."

"Did you know Job spoke when he was a very small baby?"

"Where does it say that?"

"It says, 'Job cursed the day he was born.'"