Best Jokes

Once upon a time, there was a man who went to the zoo. He stopped by the gorilla cage. There is a big sign there that says "Do NOT touch the gorilla!" Somehow the man accidentally touched the gorilla.

A few minutes later he goes into his car and drives home. While he drives on the freeway he sees in his rear view mirror the gorilla driving a few feet away from home.

Being scared the man goes to an airport flying from New York to Los Angeles. He looks back on the airplane and there is the same gorilla there.

After he gets off at Los Angeles the guy tries to swim to China. After quite some time he looks back and sure enough the gorilla is also swimming to China.

When he finally reaches China, the man who is out of breath by now. Sitting down he rests for awhile. By now the gorilla is only a few feet away from him.

The guy says to him, "What do you want from me? Why do you keep chasing me?"

The gorilla taps him on the shoulder and says to the man, "Tag! You're it!"

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank.

Thus proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

A pastor and two of his deacons are out on the river fishing in their rowboat. Twelve o'clock rolls around, and one of the deacons notices a nice spot on the bank to have lunch. He turns to the others and says, "That looks like a nice spot for lunch. What do you say we have lunch over there?"

The other deacon agrees, and so does the pastor. The deacon stands up in the boat, steps out onto the river and walks over to the bank. The pastor looks on with amazement, and thinks to himself, if his deacon is holy enough to walk on water, surely he can.

The other deacon stands up, picks up the picnic basket, steps out of the boat, and walks over to the bank and sits with the first deacon. Again, to his amazement, the pastor thinks again, if his second deacon is holy enough to walk on water, surely he can.

The pastor stands up, steps out of the boat, and sinks into the water. The first deacon turns to the second and says, "Think we should have told him where the rocks are?"

Here about the kid who at 5 cans of alphabet soup in one sitting?

They say he later had a massive 'vowel' movement.