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Favorite this joke Busily texting his girlfriend while hiking along the Colorado River, our fearless trail guide stumbled over a tree root and went flying head-over-heels into a patch of prickly pear cactus.
He tried to shrug off the episode, but for the rest of the expedition, we fondly referred to him as our 'Trip Leader!'
Two daughters were having a discussion about family resemblance. "I look like Mom," said my nine-year-old, "but I have Dad's eyes and Dad's lips."
The six-year-old said, "And I look just like Dad, but I have light hair."
Then she turned to me. "Mom," she asked, "what does Dad have to do with us being born anyway?"
Her older sister jumped right in. "Don't be stupid, Christina. Dad is the one who drove Mom to the hospital."
Mr. Johnson: "Honey, it's been a while since the Worthingtons have been over for a visit."
Mrs. Johnson: "And I don't think they'll be back."
Mr. Johnson: "Really? Why?"
Mrs. Johnson: "You insulted Mrs. Worthington's cooking after that last potluck."
Mr. Johnson: "Honey, I never said she was a bad cook, I merely pointed out that since they'd been here, our garbage disposal had developed an ulcer."
Top 5 Signs You Probably Should be Exercising More:
Your five-year-old walking shoes look brand new.
Underneath that pile of cobwebs is your rowing machine
That gym you signed up for has reported you as a missing person
You've switched from wearing belts to bungee cords.
You're got winded just reading this list.
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