Best Jokes

Like all growing boys, my teenage grandson was constantly hungry. I went to the refrigerator to find something he might like.

After poking around a bit and moving the milk and juice cartons, I spotted a bowl of leftover chili. I called out to him excitedly. He came running into the kitchen.

"Look! I found some chili!" I said to him.

Struggling to be polite, he said, "If you're that surprised, I'm not really sure I want it."

A family who had just moved into a new neighborhood was anxious to make a good impression. But the neighbors seemed cold and made no overtures of welcome. The mother of the brood was overjoyed when finally her youngest son ran in and announced happily,

"Mommy, the lady down the street asked my name today!"

"Oh, how nice!" exclaimed the mother enthusiastically. "And then what did she do?"

"Then she gave it to the policeman," the boy said.

A confused young man was in a difficult situation. He couldn't decide whether to marry Kathryn or Edith. Even though he tried as hard as he could, he was unable to make up his mind.

Not willing to give up either, he strung them along for far too long. This indecision continued until both young women got tired of the situation and left him for good.

Moral of the story: You can't have your Kate and Edith too.

The guy sat next to me on the train pulled out a photo of his wife and said, "She’s beautiful, isn’t she?"

I said, "If you think she’s beautiful, you should see my girlfriend mate!"

He said, "Why? Is she a stunner?"

I said, "No, she’s an optician!"