Best Jokes

What do you call an egotistical person serving a prison sentence?

An I-con.

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?"

"Only one kiss per yard,” replied the smirking male clerk.

"That's fine,” replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards."

With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, he clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly.

The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old man standing beside her, "Grandpa will pay the bill," she smiled.

Patron at a restaurant: "I refuse to eat this roast beef. Please call the manager!"

Waiter: "Well that won't change anything, he won't eat it either."

"Excuse me," a young fellow said to an older man, "I've just moved here and I wonder if this town has any criminal lawyers?"

"Well," replied the older man, "I have lived here all my life and all I can tell you is we are pretty sure we do, but no one has been able to prove it yet."