Best Jokes

A fellow married a woman, named, Ann.

Years later they divorced.

Now, he refers to her as "my Ann-ex".

I was flying between Toronto and Ottawa. It's only a 9 minute flight and so, to save money, I flew with a small airline in a little, twin-engine plane. About two minutes into the flight the pilot announced that we were going to have to turn back due to some engine trouble.

The nervous passenger I was seated next to turned to me and said, "If we lose an engine, how far do you think the other one will take us?"

I told him, "One engine? Oh, I'm sure it'll take us all the way to the scene of the crash. We'll probably make good time too. I bet we beat the paramedics there by at least a half hour."

Like all growing boys, my teenage grandson was constantly hungry. I went to the refrigerator to find something he might like.

After poking around a bit and moving the milk and juice cartons, I spotted a bowl of leftover chili. I called out to him excitedly. He came running into the kitchen.

"Look! I found some chili!" I said to him.

Struggling to be polite, he said, "If you're that surprised, I'm not really sure I want it."

A family who had just moved into a new neighborhood was anxious to make a good impression. But the neighbors seemed cold and made no overtures of welcome. The mother of the brood was overjoyed when finally her youngest son ran in and announced happily,

"Mommy, the lady down the street asked my name today!"

"Oh, how nice!" exclaimed the mother enthusiastically. "And then what did she do?"

"Then she gave it to the policeman," the boy said.