Best Jokes

Bill: Where did you get that gold watch Joe?

Joe: I won it in a race.

Bill: How many people participated in it?

Joe: Three, a policeman, the owner of the watch, and me!

Donald: Hi, Daisy...

Daisy: Don’t talk to me! I’m so mad I can’t speak! I was driving on Oak Street and a policeman gave me a ticket for going the wrong way!

Donald: Sure, Oak’s a one way street. It’s against the law to drive north on Oak.

Daisy: That’s just the point! I wasn’t going north, I was going east!

"Suppose," says the old salt of a sea captain, testing his new recruit, "that a sudden storm springs up on your starboard side. What would you do?"

"Throw out an anchor, sir," says the new sailor.

"And what would you do if another storm sprang up aft?"

"Throw out another anchor, sir," the raw recruit replies.

"Now," says the captain, "a storm springs up forward of the ship. What would you do this time?"

"Throw out another anchor, Captain."

"Hold on, hold on. Where are you getting all these anchors from?"

"From the same place you're getting your storms, sir," replied the new recruit.

He got to keep his job.

When Sammy, the male sheep, lost his mate to old age, the flock asked him to say a few sentimental words.

He took a big breath, opened his mouth, and sang, "There will never ever be another ewe..."