Best Jokes

Jack was sitting in an airplane when another guy took the seat beside him. The new guy was an absolute wreck, pale, hands shaking, biting his nails and moaning in fear.

"Hey, pal, what's the matter?" Jack asked

"Oh man... I've been transferred to California," the other guy answered, "there's crazy people in California and they have shootings, gangs, race riots, drugs, the highest crime rate..."

"Hold on," Jack interrupted, "I've lived in California all my life, and it is not as bad as the media says. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, enroll your kids in a good school and it's as safe as anywhere in the world."

The other passenger relaxed and stopped shaking for a moment and said, "Oh, thank you. I've been worried to death, but if you live there and say it's OK, I'll take your word for it. What do you do for a living?"

"Me?" said Jack, "I'm a tail gunner on a bread truck."

A young blonde with a coach ticket went up and sat down in the first class section of a plane going from Tampa to Los Angles
The airline hostess said I'm sorry miss but you have to sit in the coach section.
The blonde replied " I'm blonde and beautiful and I'm going to LA " She wouldn't move.
Finally the first officer came up and whispered in her ear. The blonde jumped up and ran back to coach

The stewardess asked the first officer what he said to the blonde.

I told her First Class doesn't stop in LA.

A beginner rider at the stables was trying to saddle a horse. “Excuse me,” said the old hand, “but you are putting that saddle on backwards.”

“How do you know?” snapped the student. “You do not know which way I’m going.”

Did you ever wonder...

Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?