Best Jokes

An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask for his help in reviving her husband’s libido.

“What about trying Viagra?” asks the doctor. “It really works.”

“Not a chance,” says she. “He won’t even take an aspirin.”

“No problem,” replied the doctor. “Give him an ‘Irish Viagra.’ It’s when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won’t even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went.”

It wasn’t a week later that she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to progress. The poor dear exclaimed, “Oh, faith, T’was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!”

“Really? What happened?” he asked.

“Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate! He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye, and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there, making wild, mad, passionate love to me on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!”

“I don’t understand,” said the doctor. “Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn’t good”?

“Oh, no, no, no, doctor! The sex was fine indeed! ‘Twas the best sex I’ve had in 25 years! But sure as I’m sittin’ here, I’ll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!”

To get a massive and immediate attention from a buyer, the Vacuum Cleaner salesman opens a bag of horse manure and spreads it all over the carpet.

Then he says to the possible buyer with confidence, "Mrs. if this vacuum cleaner can't clean all that manure I will eat the rest!"

The lady asks, "Do you want ketchup with that?"

Why the salesman ask?

"Because we just moved in and we don't have electricity yet!"

Question: Why did the police take the woman with insomnia to jail?

Answer: Because she kept resisting a rest.

A little boy sat fascinated, watching as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked.

"To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.

"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"