Best Jokes

I had a wooden whistle; it wooden whistle.

I bought a lead whistle; they wooden lead me whistle.

I got a steel whistle; it steel wooden whistle.

They gave me a tin whistle; NOW I tin whistle!

Vern: Do you think Mighty Mouse could beat up Superman?

Teddy: What are you, crazy?

Vern: Why not? I saw the other day he was carrying five elephants in one hand!

Teddy: You don't know nothing! Mighty Mouse is a cartoon. Superman's a real guy. There's no way a cartoon could beat up a real guy.

Vern: Yeah, maybe you're right. It'd be a good fight, though.

A cop pulls over a carload of nuns.

Cop: "Sister, this is a 65 MPH highway -- why are you going so slow?"

Sister: "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 22, not 65."

Cop: "Oh sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you're on!

Sister: "Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful."

At this point the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling.

Cop: "Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They're shaking something terrible."

Sister: "Oh, we just got off of highway 119."

A wife asked her husband, "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"

He looked at her from head to toe and replied, "I like your sense of humor."