Best Jokes

Sometimes when I'm depressed, I get a pregnancy test...

Just so I can say, 'Well, at least I'm not pregnant."

Three dogs met on a street corner. The first was a beautiful black poodle with a big blue ribbon around its neck, and it said, "My name is Fifi, spelled F-I-F-I."

The second was a pretty white poodle with a red satin ribbon around its neck, and it said, "My name is Mimi, spelled M-I-M-I."

The third was a dirty old mutt and said, "My name is Fido, spelled P-H-Y-D-E-A-U-X."

I had a wooden whistle; it wooden whistle.

I bought a lead whistle; they wooden lead me whistle.

I got a steel whistle; it steel wooden whistle.

They gave me a tin whistle; NOW I tin whistle!

Vern: Do you think Mighty Mouse could beat up Superman?

Teddy: What are you, crazy?

Vern: Why not? I saw the other day he was carrying five elephants in one hand!

Teddy: You don't know nothing! Mighty Mouse is a cartoon. Superman's a real guy. There's no way a cartoon could beat up a real guy.

Vern: Yeah, maybe you're right. It'd be a good fight, though.