Best Jokes

Some people wake up feeling like a million bucks...

Me?

I wake up feeling more like "Insufficient Funds".

Calvin sees Elmer and asks, "What’s up?"

Elmer says, "First I got tonsillitis, followed by appendicitis and pneumonia. After that I got erysipelas with hemachromatosis. Following that I got poliomyelitis and finally ended up with neuritis. Then they gave me hypodermics and inoculations."

"Boy, you had quite a time."

"I’ll say! I thought I’d never pull through that spelling test."

How can you get four suits for a dollar?

Buy a deck of cards.

"What have you had for breakfast?" I asked my wife on the first day of her diet.

"Eggs," she said.

"Scrambled or hard boiled?" I asked.

"No, Cadbury Creme," she replied.