Best Jokes

One day I'm walking down a street and as soon as I walk by the pet store, a parrot says to me, "PUNK!"

The next day, the same thing happens. The day after that it happens again. This time I go to the owner of the pet store and told him what's been going on. He says that he'll take care of it.

Next week, I'm walking past the pet store and this time the parrot is wearing a suit. He says nothing to me as I go where I'm heading off to. The next day the same thing happens. The day after that the same thing happens. I walk over to the parrot and say to him, "Why aren't you calling me "PUNK" anymore?

The parrot quickly replies, "I don't talk to punks when I'm wearing nice clothes!"

Splenda Daddy - a person who tries to be a Sugar Daddy, but just doesn't have enough funds for it.

A young girl asked her father if all fairy tales begin with "Once Upon A Time?"

"No," he replied. "A whole lot of them begin with 'If elected, I promise ...'"