Best Jokes

What do you call a dog wearing earplugs?

It doesn't matter – it can't hear you anyway!

Jake is struggling with two huge suitcases when a stranger asks, “Got the time?”

Jake glances at his wrist. “A quarter to six.”

“Nice watch,” the stranger says.

“Thanks,” Jake says. “I built it. It can speak the time aloud for any city, in any language. Plus it’s got GPS and an MP3 player.”

“Wow!” the man says. “How much?”

“This is my prototype. It’s not for sale.

“I’ll give you $1,000.”

“Can’t,” Jake says. “It’s not ready.”

“$5,000!”

“Well Okay, but...”

The man slaps a wad of cash into Jake’s hand, grabs the watch, and starts to walk away.

“Wait,” Jake yells, running toward him with the suitcases. “Don’t forget your batteries!”

Knock Knock.

Who's there?

Eskimo Christians.

Eskimo Christians who?

Eskimo Christians, I'll tell you no lies.

My secretary liked to yammer on the phone with friends.

One day I was about to interrupt her chat to tell her to get back to work, when she looked up at the clock and put an end to the conversation.

“Sorry, I have to hang up now,” she said. “It’s time for my break.”