Some people wake up feeling like a million bucks...
Me?
I wake up feeling more like "Insufficient Funds".
Calvin sees Elmer and asks, "What’s up?"
Elmer says, "First I got tonsillitis, followed by appendicitis and pneumonia. After that I got erysipelas with hemachromatosis. Following that I got poliomyelitis and finally ended up with neuritis. Then they gave me hypodermics and inoculations."
"Boy, you had quite a time."
"I’ll say! I thought I’d never pull through that spelling test."
How can you get four suits for a dollar?
Buy a deck of cards.
"What have you had for breakfast?" I asked my wife on the first day of her diet.
"Eggs," she said.
"Scrambled or hard boiled?" I asked.
"No, Cadbury Creme," she replied.