Best Jokes

My secretary liked to yammer on the phone with friends.

One day I was about to interrupt her chat to tell her to get back to work, when she looked up at the clock and put an end to the conversation.

“Sorry, I have to hang up now,” she said. “It’s time for my break.”

Some people wake up feeling like a million bucks...

Me?

I wake up feeling more like "Insufficient Funds".

Calvin sees Elmer and asks, "What’s up?"

Elmer says, "First I got tonsillitis, followed by appendicitis and pneumonia. After that I got erysipelas with hemachromatosis. Following that I got poliomyelitis and finally ended up with neuritis. Then they gave me hypodermics and inoculations."

"Boy, you had quite a time."

"I’ll say! I thought I’d never pull through that spelling test."

How can you get four suits for a dollar?

Buy a deck of cards.