Best Jokes

You know how to tell that the invisible man is lying?

Easy. You can see right through him!

A rather awkward freshman finally got up the nerve to ask a pretty junior for a dance at the homecoming. She gave him the once-over and said, "Sorry, I won't dance with a child."

"Oh I'm sorry," responded the underclassman, "I didn't realize you were pregnant."

Grampa (attempting to fix a toy): "Vinnie, give me your free hand."

Vinnie: "I don't have free hands, Grampa."

Grampa: "Sure you do, Vinnie. Just give me your free hand."

Vinnie (exasperated): "I don't HAVE free hands, Grampa! I only have TWO!"

In the HR department in the large corporation where I work, I receive absentee slips for all the employees.

Over the years I’ve heard every excuse, but the other day I found one in my voicemail that I never heard before.

“I won’t be in today,” said my absent coworker. “I’ll call back later with an excuse.”