Best Jokes
Favorite this joke Chuck Norris once ran on the treadmill. It couldn't keep up.
How do you fire woodworkers?
Tell them they’re finished.
How do you fire watch repair people?
Tell them their time is up.
How do you fire teachers?
Tell them they’re dismissed.
How do you fire authors?
Tell them it’s The End.
How do you fire lumberjacks?
Give them the ax.
How do you fire garbage collectors?
Tell them they’re canned.
How do you fire gift-wrappers?
Tell them the job is all wrapped up.
One Sunday morning, a preacher tells his congregation that in order to prepare for next week’s sermon that they should read Obadiah 2:1-2:15.
Next week comes and the preacher asks the congregation if they read the required reading from the Bible. Suddenly there’s a murmur in the congregation. No one read it, but since they didn’t want to get into trouble, they all raised their hands.
The preacher then says, It is amazing that all of you read Obadiah 2:1-2:15, because there is only ONE chapter in Obadiah. Now, today's lesson is on honesty..."
A not-so-bright girl is flying in a plane when her pilot keels over. She calls out: "Mayday! Mayday! My pilot is dead!"
Air traffic control responds, "Don't worry, I'll talk you through this. What's your height and position?"
"I'm five-four and I'm in the plane," she says.
"Repeat after me," says the voice. "Our Father, who art in heaven...."
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