Best Jokes

A woman was getting swamped with calls from strangers. A billing service had launched an 800 number that was identical to hers.

When she called to complain, she was told to get a new number. "I've had mine for twenty years," she pleaded. "Couldn't you change yours?"

The company refused, so she said, "Fine. From now on, I'm going to tell everyone who calls that their bill is paid in full."

The company got a new number the next day.

Top 10 List of what Moms REALLY want...

10. To be able to eat a whole candy bar (alone) and drink a soda without any floaties, ie... backwash.

9. To have my 14 year-old daughter answer a question without rolling her eyes in that, "Why is this person my mother?" way.

8. Five pounds of chocolate that won't add twenty.

7. A shower without a child peeking through the curtain with a "Hi Ya Mom!" just as I put a razor to my ankle.

6. A full time cleaning person - period!

5. For my teenager to announce, "Hey, Mom! I got a full scholarship and a job all in the same day!"

4. A grocery store that doesn't have candy/gum/toys displayed at the checkout line.

3. To have a family meal without a discussion about bodily secretions.

2. To be able to step on a plane with my toddlers and NOT have someone moan, "Oh no! Why me!"

And #1... Four words: Fisher Price Play Prison

It was mealtime during an airline flight.

"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.

"What are my choices?" John asked.

"Yes or no," she replied.

What do you call an insane cow removed from his pasture and locked up in a pen?

De-ranged!