Best Jokes

I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was really friendly.

So I asked, "Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!" This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, "The Law of the Garbage Truck."

He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you.

Don't take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well and move on. Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets. The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so "Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't."

Chuck Norris once ran on the treadmill. It couldn't keep up.

How do you fire woodworkers?
Tell them they’re finished.

How do you fire watch repair people?
Tell them their time is up.

How do you fire teachers?
Tell them they’re dismissed.

How do you fire authors?
Tell them it’s The End.

How do you fire lumberjacks?
Give them the ax.

How do you fire garbage collectors?
Tell them they’re canned.

How do you fire gift-wrappers?
Tell them the job is all wrapped up.